050510  An Election Tale

Your finely honed detective antennae will probably have picked up that tomorrow is general election day.  The Station Blogger is completely untainted by political party affiliation and will maintain that position assiduously throughout this week's Blog.  This is a true tale from a Polling Station many years ago.

In an area which was solidly behind one major party, the candidate for the other major party came and went all day, never spending more than 2 minutes at a time at a primary school being used as a Polling Station.  It was assumed he was making flying visits to all Polling Stations in his constituency but the absences between visits got longer and longer.

When the backshift Constable took over from the early shift, he was briefed that there had been no incidents. I'll call the backshift Constable, Constable Blogger.

On his third or fourth visit during Constable Blogger's tour of duty, it became apparent that our hopeful candidate's absences had more than a little to do with alcoholic refreshment.

"Anybody look as if he might have voted for me turn up yet?" asked our candidate.

"I couldn't possibly say Sir", replied Constable Blogger, mindful of the political impartiality of his office and duties. A few minutes later and our candidate was off again. An hour or so elapsed and back he came, this time a bit unsteady on his feet.

"Any supporters yet", he slurred.

"Couldn't say Sir", said Constable Blogger.

"You are totally ******* useless you are," said our forlorn would be politician.

Constable Blogger offered a mild rebuke regarding unsuitable language and the candidate wandered off again muttering about paying police wages.

About an hour before the Polling Station closed, Constable Blogger was at his post when a car came careening into the thankfully empty school playground. It crashed into the school railings before our candidate friend emerged loudly bemoaning a lost deposit.

Constable Blogger summoned his Sergeant and Inspector who initially as good as blamed him for the candidate being drunk!  The then new ‘blow in bag' kit was broken out and the budding politician realised his day of judgment had indeed arrived.

I don't know if he lost his deposit that day, but he did lose his driving licence.

If you're on duty at a Polling Station tomorrow I wish you an uneventful day.

 Note: The views expressed in The Station Blog are written by neither a Federation representative nor an employee and are not necessarily those of the Joint Central Committee of the Scottish Police Federation.  If you want to comment on the content please email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it